Drowning in Sorrow
by YaoiloverXD
Summary: When ichigo's mom dies he tries to find ways to cope between his father not coping well with the death of his wife and he taking it out on ichigo he doesn't know what to do until a blue hair boy comes along. grimm x ichi Warning: OOC, self harm, alcohol abuse, Multi personality disorder, and Child abuse Please review.
1. August 11th

**Hi here is a new story. There will be a pairing in a little while. **

**Hope you like this story**

**Warning: Self harm, Really OOC, and angst **

**Chapter 1 August 11th **

Tragedy struck.

That is all I can describe it as.

She was the only person who could make me smile when I felt like I was going to cry. The only person who my dad loved. The only person who could make you laugh when all you want to do is cry. She may have had her fair share of flaunts but so does every human. Even when she would get drunk and angry but we all still loved her. My mom is the whole backbone of the family, the sun to our solar system, without her my father, Yuzu and me have no clue what to do, we will most likely fall apart.

I know you all a probably confused as to what I am talking about. The answer is my mother died, and it is all my fault. No matter what people tell me that is all I can think.

I will tell you now what happened on the eventful morning of August 12th, but first to tell you about August 11th.

August 11th was a weird day to say the least, but you could see it as a warning that something bad was going to happen now that I think about it. At the time I just though of it as one of my off days.

I was asleep latter then normal, so Yuzu came to wake me up. When she saw that I was still asleep she tried to call my name but, that was uneventful. Then she got closer, she saw that I was pale (she told me all this after I woke up.) and could not tell if I was alive because I did not move plus my breathing was very shallow. She then started to shake me to try and get me up. When she did I moved a little bit after she was done shaking me. When she saw this she was so relieved that I was in fact still alive.

When I finally got up another weird thing happened. When I went to the bathroom I took a look in the mirror while I was brushing my teeth, my hair was a complete mess. It is usually spiky but today it was flat with two parts sticking up that looked liked pigtails. I showered so my hair would go back to normal. After my shower I went downstairs.

"Big brother, do you want lunch it is well past breakfast. Also you need to check the chore chart for the chores that dad left for you to do. Also he is working at the hospital today." Yuzu said calling to me from the kitchen.

"Ok thanks Yuzu, I will get started on my chores in a little bit. Also I am not hungry." I said heading to the kitchen where dad usually leaves the chore chart for when he has to work at the hospital.

"Are you sure you hardly eat any more." She said with worry clear in her voice. "Big brother are you feeling ok? You look a little flushed." Yuzu said even more worried.

"I am fine Yuzu, and I have been eating fine. It is not like I am not eating at all, I am eating one to two meals a day so I am fine." I said trying to convince her that I was fine. The last thing I wanted was to go to the doctors because my sister thinks I might be sick.

"I will let it go for now but..." She said as she grabbed my left wrist "I am going to tell daddy if you do not stop cutting yourself." She said glaring at my wrist.

I pulled my wrist from her hand and hid it under my green hoodie again.

"You promised that you would not tell him." I said glaring at her.

"You promised you would stop. I know you are stressed about mommy drinking. I get stressed to but you don't need to cut because of it." Yuzu said starting to raise her voice because she was starting to get pissed about me cutting again.

"Look I am sorry, but it does not help if I bit my hand anymore. Last time I did I almost drew blood and the bruise is still there even though it has been two weeks. I will try, but you know I have an alternate personality and he does what he wants when he is stressed. I cut to stop him from hurting mom." I said to her feeling guilty for making her stressed with my cutting on top of mom's drinking.

"Ok, just please find another way because it kills me inside when you cut your arm." Yuzu said with tears in her eyes.

"Ok I will try. Anyway getting off that topic lets get our chores done because it is the night mom drinks. You know how she is about a clean house." I said smiling at my sister to get her to cheer up.

"Ya, good idea big bro." Yuzu said smiling her big and bright smile.

After we finished our chores we when to our rooms and started to go onto our computers. When mom got home she had very little alcohol in her system, this was unusual as well because she usually had a full pint of whiskey and a few beers in her system by now. Me and Yuzu went to our rooms when we saw that she was home we went upstairs and locked our doors.

Around six at night is when my father came home. Her needed our mom to help him with his car, so they went out to buy the parts. After they got the parts they went to their friend's house. When they got back my mom and dad were having a intelligent conversation this was another weird event, because usually when my mom gets drunk she gets angry. She never hit any of us, we still love her even if she gets really angry over the stupidest of things. The conversation they were having was about how my mom had a stupid argument with my dad and mom's best friend.

After a while my mom had started to get tired, so she went to sleep. When she did she was snoring so load you could hear all the way across the house and up the stairs. My dad and me were happy that she went to sleep earlier then normal, at the time we though nothing of any of these weird things. Little did we know this was the last day we would never get to talk to her again.

**Thx for reading please review and tell me what you think.**

**If you have a suggestion for the title please tell me I was having a hard time with the name so please review or pm me the name for the title.**

**I hope you liked the story.**

**See you next time **


	2. Drowning

Hi

**Hi everyone here is another chapter of drowning in sorrow. **

**If you have a suggestion for a better name please tell me**

**Also the text going like** _this _**is shiro**

**Warning: Self harm, angst, and OOC  
**

**Chapter 2 Drowning**

The next morning I woke up to my father screaming.

"Misaki Wake up!" My dad yelled while pounding on her chest.

When I when down I heard my dad yell this over and over again while she sounded like she was gasping for air.

"Dad calm down a little and call an ambulance, you are in to much emotional distressed to treat her yourself." I told him while he called for an ambulance.

"Ichigo check to make sure your mom is breathing she got quiet." Dad yelled to me.

I put my finger under her nose so I would be able to feel the air coming out from her nose. When I checked I though that I felt very faint air coming from her nose. I my worry I must have been shaking and that made me think that she was breathing just shallow, but at the time I still though she was breathing.

"Dad she is still breathing." I said to him.

"OK that is good we both better get dressed before the ambulance comes and sees us both in our underwear." Dad said trying to crack a joke but we were both so worried that we just went to get dressed in the first things we saw.

When the ambulance finally came they brought in a heart moderner in to check her vitals.

"Can I please get some more light, I need to hook this up but I cant see." The paramedic said.

"ya I have a flashlight app on my phone that is pretty bright I will go get it right now." I said as I ran as fast I as I could to my room the get my phone off of my nightstand.

When I got back they were set up and all that was needed was some light, so I turned on the flashlight app. They put the little stickers on the different locations to check his vitals and then turned on the machine. When they did all that was there was a flat line.

She was gone.

My dad is in the background. He fell to the ground on his knees and started crying.

"C-cant you fibrillate her, at least try to!" dad said starting to get hysterical.

"I am sorry sir but we cant she has been gone for a long time." the paramedic said.

"P-please, please you have to at least try!" Dad yelled at them.

"I really am sorry sir but there is nothing we can do she is gone. We are truly sorry for your lost." the paramedic said.

By this time Yuzu woke up because of all the yelling our dad was doing. Yuzu looked over at me with tears streaming down my face, then to our father on the ground crying, and then she turns to see our mom with the heart moderner that was still on with the flat line going across.

She saw this a started to bawl. "Ichigo w-what is going on." She asked even though she pretty sure she knew what was going on.

"Yuzu s-she died." I said with my tears starting to slow down.

I stopped crying so I could be strong for both Yuzu and dad. I had to it was my fault after all. If only I had let dad pound on her chest she would have still been breathing by the time the paramedics come. It is all my fault. I am causing dad to not get married to her, and Yuzu not to have a mom it is all my fault.

"It is all my fault." I said not meaning for anyone else to hear.

"Ichigo it is not your fault." My dad said but I did not hear him my mind to far gone.

_That's right this is all your fault Ichigo. You know I could help you. Even if you did kill you own mother. _

Please leave me alone. I know this is all my fault but I don't need your help.

"Yuzu I am so sorry I killed you mother. Dad I am sorry I killed your wife before you even got to marry her." I said while we were in another room because they were taking my mothers body out of the house.

"Ichigo it is not your fault so stop blaming yourself. It was me who did not call earlier, if it is anyone's fault it is mine." Dad said trying to convince my that it was not my fault.

_You know he is only trying to be nice to you and not blame you because your sister is in the room with you. _

I know that. You don't need to tell me that.

_I know how you can help your mother fell better about her only son betrying her._

What is that.

_I will tell you when all of the strangers are out of your house._

Why cant I do it right now.

_Do you want to break poor little Yuzu even more then you already did by killing her mother._

No I don't. Why would it break her heart even more.

_You need to help your mother by hurting yourself like you did to her. A razor blade and your blood should be good for now, but you cant let Yuzu see because of the promise you made with her. Even though you have not used a razor blade to cut yourself before you need that so you will bleed more with less effort._

Do you really think that if I cut with a razor blade and bleed more it will help mom forgive me for killing her.

_No she will never forgive you for killing her but this will help her rest in peace._

If that is what you think then that is what I will do.

_Good now stop zoning out you have to pay attention to your family if you do not what then to find out what we are planing._

ok.

Dad was out of the room by the time I was done talking to Shiro, or so he called himself, and Yuzu was watching TV. I went out of Yuzu's room and into mine.

When I got there I found one of my razors and got the blade out of the holder. Once I got it out I put in to my skin and made a very small and shallow cut. The cut went over one of my veins that I could see. When I did I felt electricity go up my spine and I felt good.

_I suppose that is a good enough cut for now but remember to do this once a week to keep your mother at rest._

Alright, would it be ok to clean it up with a tissue because I have white carpets and I don't want anyone to know.

_That is fine. Don't want to get caught and them put you in the hospital. _

Ok. Thank you for telling me a way to help my mother rest in peace even with me killing her.

_It was all my pleasure, my king._

I went over to my bed to get the tissues to clean up some of the blood. By the time I could put a band-aid on the wound three tissues were covered in blood and in the trash. After I was done with that I went to go check on my dad.

When I saw him he was crying while trying to get a hold of my moms side of the family. When he did get a hold of all the family members he went to his room and locked the door to breck down without his children being able to see him.

I went back to my room, throw myself onto the bed, and then pulled my blakets up and over my head and cried.

**thanks for reading. please review**

**I hoped you liked it**

**see you next time **


	3. Changing

**Hi guys. It is a long weekend before school so I will update 2 of my stories! **

**Anyway **_this is how Shiro will speak_

_**And this is how Ichigo will speak when talking to Shiro**_

**Waring: Alcohol, OOC, and Abuse**

**Chapter 3 Change**

The next few days went by in a blur, calling mom's relatives, listening to people saying how sad they were, and all of mom's family shunning us.

We called all of mom's relatives to tell them about her passing away. When they all heard they kept saying things like: what, what are you saying, and that can't be true. Then we had to go to my grandmother's house. When we got there almost all of her family was there, that I knew. Everyone was crying. I understand that they were upset that their sister and daughter was gone, but at the same time we lived with her everyday they only saw my mom a few times a year. The worst part of it all was when my mom died she was not married to my father, so in turn that makes me and Yuzu children of an unwed couple. This was not a good thing in her family because they are very traditional, so to them we were not even really her kids. So when dad went to help plan the funeral they just ignored him. They also went to buy flowers and they bought none for me or Yuzu and they also stared dad down because he did not buy any flowers, because of money.

...

They set up a viewing so people could see mom before they put her in the ground. At the viewing there are people who I have never met before and then there is the family I do know. Right now I don't even care about that because they have the song that my mom sang to my dad when they first started dating. With that plus seeing my mom I could not help but cry.

_You know you don't deserve to cry. After all you are the one who killed her. _

_**I know but I cant help it. I just love, and miss her so much. **_

_I don't think you do, king. If you did why did not have your dad keep pounding on her chest to keep her breathing. When we get home you know you have to help your mom rest easier again, but this time you need more because you have the audacity to cry at her viewing when you are the one who killed her in the first place._

_**I know you are right.**_

I was starting to feel sick to my stomach.

"Ichigo you and Yuzu can leave when your grandfather is here." He tells me. I know it is my grandfather on my father's side of the family because the one on my mother's side died.

"ok dad I will tell Yuzu. Are you sure you will be ok for the next several hours here by yourself?" I asked truly worried for how he would react to being around a ton of strangers.

"Yes I am sure I will be fine. Just watch Yuzu, and make sure she is ok." He said with little worry for how I felt.

"Don't worry dad." I said.

_King you should not feel bad that your dad does not care about how you feel. I was your fault. He knows it, you know it, so stop taking pity on yourself._

_**I know I just can't help it.**_

_You better because if you don't your dad is not going to put up with your crying and self pity much longer._

_**I know. Do you hate me Shiro?**_

_don't worry king I will never hate you. I will always be here to protect you from everyone and yourself._

_**Thank you Shiro.**_

That was when I saw my grandfather across the room. He had on a suit and tie. Even though that is what you would think everyone would be wearing, most were not. They were wearing casual clothes.

When our grandfather was ready to go, we when to his car and got in.

...

When we finally got to our house Yuzu went right to her room to find something to distract herself from the viewing, while I got our grandfather a cup of tea. After he finished his cup of tea he left. So I went up to my room and cut my wrist on my left and right arm. After I let them bleed for a little while I wrapped my wrists so they would heal.

Dad called us around five, he told me he would pick us up dinner on his way home after the second round of the viewing. He said that he would be back around nine.

Nine came and went, Yuzu and I were waiting for dad to come home with dinner because there was no food in the house. We waited and waited for him to come. By the time midnight came around I was starting to get worried. I decided that I would try to call him to see where he was. He did not pick up. I waited for another hour and I decided to call him again, when I did I still got no answer. I tried to text him to see if he might respond, but hat turned out the same way as all my other try's. By this time I was hyperventilating thinking the worst happened.

_King calm down your dad is perfectly fine. He is probably with other family members talking to them and try to get his mind off the fact that his son killed his wife. _

_**If you say so Shiro. Thanks but I will still stay up until he comes home.**_

_Do what you want king. I am going to sleep now so leave me alone._

_**Alright goodnight Shiro. **_

_Goodnight king._

After I was finished talking with Shiro I decided that I would finish up my summer homework I had left to do, because my first day back to school was tomorrow.

...

By the time I had finished my summer homework it was already three in the morning. I was about to try and call him again when I heard the front door slam open. I went downstairs to see why the front door was slammed open when I saw that dad was piss-ass drunk.

"Ichigo get your murder ass over here now." Dad slurred while yelling.

I did not want him to wake up Yuzu and scare her so I ran to him as fast as I could so he would stop yelling.

"Yes dad what is it." I said trying my best not to stutter.

He then walked up to me and punched me in the stomach causing me to slam into the near by wall. I did not cry out because I did not want Yuzu to hear me.

"You ungrateful son of a bitch all your mother and I did was love you and you killed her. You stopped me from treating her. You killed her." He said. Every time he said a sentence he would punch me.

There was nothing I could say because I did kill her. It amazes me that he does not kick me out, or call the police. The least I can do is let him punish me for murdering my own mother.

"You better not tell this to anyone. I don't want anyone to try to take pity on your murdering ass." He said as he started to head upstairs.

By the time he was done he had broken some of my ribs and left a lot of bruises all over me.

I used to get in a lot of fights because of my hair and because of who I was friends with, so I know what broken ribs feel like. Because of all the fights I also bought some cover up so I would not worry Yuzu or mom.

After I picked myself up and went up the stairs with difficultly. I have to get to sleep I have my first day of school tomorrow.

**I hoped you liked it. **

**Please review.**

**See you next time.**


	4. Why

**Hi everyone I am writing again. God I hate advanced English takes up all my time. Anyway, here is the new chapter. One note is I set Ichigo's school like my school. Which is in America. Sorry I am not all that familiar with Japanese schools so I did the school I know the best about. Ichigo's school also does not have a uniform but it does have a dress code. I might add it in here at some time.**

**Warning: OOC, Child abuse**

**Shiro **_Talking _

**Ichigo _Talking_**

**Chapter 4 Why**

I got up for school and put the cover up on my arms where the bruises are and the cut that I had made the night before. I also put on a long sleeved shirt and jeans to make sure that no one would see anything. If people asked why I was wearing long sleeves and jeans I could say that I am depressed or that I am cold. Better go with the first one that is more believable.

It was the first day of school, and I know all my friends are going to ask what happened to my mom. So I have to put up a facade Something I have never done. I have always been a little bit of a cry baby but not anymore.

_That is what I like to hear. I will know if you start to turn into a big cry baby again. If you do I will handle your friends but I cant promise that they will still want to be your friends afterwords._

_**Ya thanks Shiro. I know you are being kind and compassionate in your own little way. **_

_I don't know what you mean _

Is what he said but he was blushing and pouting at the same time. He really is trying to cheer me on even if he does it in such a twisted way. I guess that is what happens when you are one of three personalities, you learn to care for each other.

_Awe how cute, king cares for me and zan-zan. _

_**Why were you reading my thoughts**_

_because I can king. I would not do it if it was not for there being nothing for me to do in here other then read you thoughts, look through your eyes, and look at the sky. And before you even ask I can not play with zan-zan because he refuses to do so. He is being mean to me king._

_**I cant help you there. Well then you can look through my eyes because I am not dressing anymore I am walking out the door. **_

_Good._

"Big brother, Do you know what is wrong with dad he is still upstairs and is not coming down when I call him." When Yuzu started to talk about dad I froze and stiffened but only to the point that I would notice.

"No Yuzu I don't know. I am sure he just had a late night talking to the family. When I have to get to school." I said as I walked out the door not looking her in the eyes because I cant lie to my sister looking her in the eyes.

"Ok but I will see you later tonight." She said as I closed to door so she would not have another thing to tell me about.

When I got to school I saw that everyone was looking at me. So I did what I though would get them to stop staring at me I glared at them. This was the first time in my life that I had done that. It seemed to work so I guess that this will do just fine for a facade

I went right to class and avoided and did not wait for my friends like I did for all the years in middle school. Luckily it was the first year of high school for me or I would be easily seen through.

I sat down in the chair that had my name on it where the agenda the school gave us was. Lucky for the second time today my seat was next to the window.

The class started to fill up and people were looking at me but did not even come near me, I was giving the 'don't even fucking look at me' glare to anyone who even came near me.

I am glad that no one is even coming near me to talk. That is until it does not work on my friend since we were children. He starts to come over to me. I look up at him and I almost drop my act. He. is. Gorgeous.

What happened to him over the summer? His has his usual blue hair but it is cut short with some of it falling in his face, he is a few inches taller than me, and he is muscular but not in a body builder type of way, because that is just gross.

_King you are starting to drool. I mean his good looking but come on have you even looked around everyone is starring at you. _

_**Whatever you say Shiro but just so you know I am not gay or even bi.**_

_Ok whatever you say king. But just so ya know he is the only one I will approve of. _

_**What are you talking about Shiro?**_

_Never mind king. Remind me why I have such an oblivious king._

After he said that he started to go on a rave how he should just take over and all of his troubles would be solved.  
I looked up at the class and everyone was either looking at me or they were looking at Grimmjow. I don't know why they were looking at me, but I differently understand why they were looking at Grimmjow. When we left middle school last year Grimmjow looked like a geek in every essence of the word.

"Hey Ichi are you ok." I looked up to see Grimmjow starring at me.

_**Shiro what should I do. **_

_Let me talk to him king._

_**ok.**_

"**hey if it isn't Grimmjow. Oh by the way stop calling me Ichi or I will call you Grimm-kitty, Grimm-kitty." **Shiro said. You can tell when he is out because my eyes turn gold.

"Oh it's you what do you want Shiro. Let Ichi talk for himself." Grimmjow said a little pissed he was talking in a whisper so that no one else would hear.

"**Oh, Ichigo does not want to talk to anyone right now, Grimm-kitty. And before you ask no I have not been hurting him again. If you want to know why come over to the house after school." Shiro said. **If you pay attention you could hear the little bit of pleading in his voice.

"Ya ok just tell Ichigo that I am coming over. Will miss Kurosaki be there when we get there?"

"**You will just have to see for yourself. Bye bye Grimm-kitty." **Shiro said as he let me take over once again.

"Ok Ichigo I am going to find my seat I will talk to you at the end of school." Grimmjow said.

"Ah... ya sure see you then." I said then added a fake smile. I looked over at him and I think I see him cringe when I gave him a fake smile.

The rest of the day flies by, by the time I know it, it is time to go home. Well shit.

**Hi guys here is the new chapter. I hope you guys like it.**

**Thx to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed, I love you all.**

**See you next time**


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